A Whirled Yarn

So, just who the heck do you think you are?

So, you may ask yourself, what makes me so important that I get to blog my random ramblings when ever the whim hits.  I have to admit that I, in general, run like a lizard (a skink specifically, they are very fast.  In fact you may have never ever seen one...that's how fast they are...seriously) in a snow storm  whenever I get a whiff of those "get to know you better/20,000 random facts about myself/what movies I loved in second grade/where are your tatoos" type of blog tags.  But, believe it or not, I actually got an email requesting, in the sweetest way, (I believe "Who the hell do you think you are?" is a direct quote) to know a little bit more about me.  Since the whole point of this blog is to amuse my two readers, I thought what the heck...give 'em what they want!  (plus I received that request about a year and a half ago and it's Statute of Limitations will be running out soon...and then who will care?)

So I ask you all to envision me being interviewed by some cool talk show host, like maybe Oprah.  No, no, not Oprah, that's just not feasible.  My hair and Oprah's hair just could not possibly fit onto the same sound stage let alone frame shot.  Okay, so then perhaps Ellen.  She's funny, a lot less intimidating, and our follicles are far more compatible.

All right, here we go, (We'll skip the dancing on to the stage part, for all our sakes, and get right to the heart of the interview)....

Soooo, that's some crazy hair you've got there  Yeah.  Thanks.

What exactly is your claim to fame and recognition?  Well, my husband once made Bill Murray's brother laugh.  Which, if you think about it, has to be quite a feat.  And, well, I'm married to him.  Oh, and I was once a tv veterinarian.  Local cable access tv veterinarian, but none the less...

What the hoohaw does a local cable access tv veterinarian do?:  Take what you do, interviewing exciting celebrities and giving away cool prizes to your audience. Take away the celebrities, cool gifts and audience.   Replace those with a bevy of gay men who run the local animal shelter.  Throw in phone calls from pet owners and me with a big goofy smile.  Ta da, Local cable access tv veterinarian! 

So what's the stupidest thing you'e ever done?  Besides local cable access tv veterinarian?  Well just now, while clearing all the knitting from the table in order to fit dinner on it , I just sent my barrel counter (with which I have been so cleverly keeping track of two different increases at the same time and have been guarding for the past week from curious little fingers like a mother bear defending her cub) flying deep and irretrievably under the stove. 

Boy,that was stupid!:  Yeah, tell me about it.

How do you get your ideas for your cleverly written posts?  Honestly, they just come to me...especially when I'm feeding the sheep.

Feeding the sheep?  Yes, see our barn door does not have a latch to keep it shut.  I need to keep the goats in the barn when I feed the sheep, because, well, they are mean...and they steal.  So I have to lean against the barn door while the sheep eat....usually in an extremely slow and non hurried fashion.  Meanwhile, Frodo, the Angora wether, butts at the door, over and over and over again.  So there I lean, getting rhythmically bumped, and bumped, and bumped.  It's a great time to think.

Ok-a-a-y...  In fact, should the Absent-Minded Prof. ever fix the door and actually put a latch on it...I may never post again.  But then again, that would make feeding time a whole lot easier and time efficient.  Of course, I could fix it, but you know...that's why a girl gets married...sure we all spout on about  love and family and sex, but we really get a husband so we don't need to use power tools.  Not that I can't use power tools...it's just that I've got to draw the line somewhere.  Actually I've found the threat of using power tools as an excellent method of getting the AMP home from work on time.  A little phone call with an innocent question like "Honey, where is the drill" or "Don't we have a power stapler?" really get a man home.  The one that worked the quickest was "Darling, where do we keep the wallboard knife?".  That last one I really needed.  I decided that the living room carpet's time was up.  But I needed to cut it up in manageable pieces so I could roil it up and drag it out of the house and the kitchen shears really were just not getting the job done. I just..Okay!  Thanks so much for coming.  Absolutely fascinating.  We'll have to have you back some time...way in the future.  It will be a don't call us, we'll call you kind of thing.

That's all for today folks.  Time to dance ourselves outta here...

Joy! Joy!

 

Happy Inauguration!!  I am I a horrible person for having kept my children home from school because I had no faith that the Kansas public schools would let them watch the festivities today?  (In case the Absent Minded Prof is reading this in surprise - they were also coughing terribly...honestly...)  I know I am a horrible person becauseI kept my pre-schooler home so I wouldn't have to pick him up during the President's speech.  But come on...the Inauguration Address!  Plus he is having a great time playing with the other two truants.

I guess it is a bad start to have Barack Obama inspiring me to truancy and sneakiness.  Probably not what he had in mind....

ps - I also stole the adorable child and sweater from Flickr!  I am going to go to Democratic hell....

Well, that's done...

 Okay, for the last 3 months I have not  - managed to blog, remembered to water the houseplants, read a book from cover to cover or finished a complete thought in my head.  (I also have not been shut in a trunk, but thanks for your concern...).  I have, however, organized a Woolfest!  (I also survived my first Black Friday, got a puppy, provided snacks for both Halloween and Christmas class parties, made a Toto costume for my daughter, made a Dorothy costume for the dog, put up Christmas decorations, took down Christmas decorations,...well, piled them all in the living room anyways...moved the sheep into their winter quarters with the goats, voted for Barack Obama, and logged about 10,000 miles on my minivan shuffling children to drum lessons, riding lessons, friends' houses and pre-school.  But... so did everyone else).

So Winter Woolfest 2009 actually happened!... Yesterday!  ...And people came! ... A lot of people! It was really awesome (in my opinion, anyways).  I took absolutely no pictures in the first 3 hours.  In fact the entire morning was spent in a latte fueled, near-panicked (although some choose to quibble on that) hysteria in which I set up a gazillion tables and chairs, ran back and forth across the street from the Poppyfield Gallery to the shop 2 gazillion times, and taught a mini-class on the mobius cast-on.  I was promised many pics from my dear friends who were clicking away...so there will be more of these as the week wears on.   The photos I have are from the afternoon when all the classes had been panned off on others.  Still most of them were taken by my daughter, which is why most grown-ups appear to loom somewhat menacingly...

 

 

Here I am being hounded by the midget paparazzi while reading out the winners of the door prizes.

Here is the crowd enthralled with learning mitered squares from Jerri from The Yarn Peddler.

 

And more people enjoying a look at a Knitter's Loom with The Lovely Miss Nikol Lohr...

 

The Children's Table ...with children!

And did I mention the gallery is also a winery?  Here LauraPygora is being absolutely coerced into trying some by the clever Vinter/Gallery Owner/Attorney-at-Law Britt Nichols.

 

And of course, there was shopping...

 

   

 

Nikol even had a do-it yourself custom batt bar with drum carders...

 

 

Afterwards I picked up a gazillion tables and chairs and lone stitch markers from the floor and went home and literally collapsed with a new bottle of wine and an idiot-simple roll neck, stockinette stitch sweater for a four year old on the needles.  This morning I only had to rip back 12 rows....

 

Got trunk show?

Okay, it has been so long since my last post that Typepad demanded to know who I was and expected me to cough up a password.  Yeah, right...have I ever given you the impression that I am the sort of person who remembers something like a password?  For gosh sakes I practically need to have my debit card pin number tattooed on the inside of my eyelids. 

...big news in my life.  The littlest Whirled Child is off to pre-school.  And he went happily, without the slightest hesitation or backward glance at me, the woman who VBACed him, without drugs, while working in the potato fields of the homeland.  But the really big news is, after 10 years of constant companionship and servitude, I have 3 whole hours twice a week entirely to myself!  I not so sure, however, that I am really going to appreciate his exposure to his peers.  I was informed just yesterday that I was "ruining his life" when I refused to serve him ice cream at 8:30 in the morning.  Tough words from a kid wearing genuine faux snake skin cowboy boots and a Cars backpack. Sigh...

Well enough about me..on to the trunk shows!  I have two, count 'em two, trunk shows in the shop right now.  How nifty is that?  First is one from O~Wool (Isn't it convenient for them that there is actually a ~ key on my keyboard?  Do you think they thought of that before coming up with the name?  I'm sure people like that would remember their passwords too.  It takes all kinds.)  Before we go any further, I have to come clean and admit that I love O~Wool  Balance.  I love, love, love, love it.  So there, I am not ashamed.  On to the photos...

 

The Rose Baby Cardigan

 

The Striped Fun Pullover.  I'm making one...in more manly preschool colors.  After all he's got to live up to the reputation that comes with those cowboy boots.

 

The Cathal.  Let me tell you, the stitch patterns on this are gorgeous.  It's by Woolen Collectibles and it really is the definition of that name.

 

This Cozy Cardigan is my next project.  In the purple.

We've also got several garments from SWTC in all their earth friendly fibers.  I'll get some pictures soon.  But I'm also off to teach at Yarn School tomorrow, and with my current blogging track record...I wouldn't hold my breath.  And Typepad, get a grip, really ...if I am willing to admit that I post this drivel...that should be good enough...

Haven't we come farther than that?

Back in the olden days (circa 1950), when women first started driving in recognizable numbers, the automobile manufacturers began to salivate at the thought of a whole new advertising audience.  After much consideration as to what women could possibly want in a car, they came up with their new strategy to attract the women buyer.  Was it adequate space for children, the family dog and groceries?  No.  Was it improved safety features to keep their families safe?  No.  Was it improved gas mileage or a lower price to help with the family budget?  No.  Was it a head rest that would allow for the driver to wear a pony tail without having to crane their neck forward in an incredibly uncomfortable manner? (Why can't they come up with that!?!) No!

 

It was pink. 

 

 

 That's right, the only way they could figure out to appeal to women, was to make a pink car. (Could they honestly have been serious about the "La Femme" part too?)

 

Because really, what else could the little domestic ladies of bliss in the United States want in their very own vehicles?  Women certainly weren't intelligent enough to be concerned about the vehicles quality, or to look under the hood.  Just make it pink.

 

Sarah Palin is a pink car.  She is all the Republicans could come up with to appeal to women.  We are supposed to flock to her in great numbers just because she is female. We aren't supposed to be smart or savvy enough to check her performance or look under her hood.  We aren't supposed to notice that she has actively worked against all issues that are of most concern to women, like the right to choose our own health care, protect our families from gun violence, keeping our world and environment healthy for our children and grandchildren, putting money into education and assuring health care for our elderly.  In fact, she is completely in step with Bush, Cheney and McCain on every issue. 

 

But you are only supposed to notice that she is pink. 

 

Guess what?  Women didn't buy the pink car in the 1950's.  We were smarter than that. 

 

And we definitely aren't going to buy Sarah Palin either.  Because, despite what the old, rich, white man Republicans (apparently still stuck in the 1950's) seem to be trying to tell us,  we are still smarter than that!

 

Now, Womyn of America, go burn your bras!  (Wait, wait, not that one...it's got invisible, underwire, push-up, water-filled, angel-wing, anti-gravity technology.  And,... damn it...it's pink!)

For your viewing pleasure...

Welcome to the "Whirled Show".  We have a great program for you today.   As you may have known...I have been knitting. This is not that unusual.  After all enjoying knitting is half the reason I opened a yarn shop (the other half is just pure insanity...trust me, it runs in the family).  But ...I have a problem. 

I  would like to think of it as a common problem, that will have the audience in tears with empathy.  But I'm afraid this really might turn out to be more of one of those "look at the freak" shows... like when Oprah had on that pregnant guy.  The audience tried to look understanding, open minded and diverse...but you really could tell they we're really just thinking..Eww! 

Anyway, the topic of today's program is... "Knitting as a Speed Event".   I love knitting.  I really do.  BUT...wait for it...I am so slow.  I mean as slow as a dead snail caught in that molasses in January thing.  I have tried everything to get faster.  I use slick needles, I knit in the round whenever possible, I knit continental.  Doesn't matter.  It just takes me for-freaking-ever!  Have you seen theThriftyKnitter or SugarBunny Boulevard?  I swear sweaters just drop of their needles, fully formed and ready to fend for themselves,... in about an hour and 15 minutes.  It may be because they are able to focus on one project for a length of time... instead of flitting around like a deranged butterfly who spent too long sipping nectar in the poppy field.  Oooh, is that a zebra...

We will now pause for a quick station break.

Oops, are we back?!  Sorry, my nose was just a little itchy there, not what it looked like I swear.  I am back on topic now, really...

Welcome to our program...we were discussing how depressingly slow and schizoid I knitter I am.  For example...

Isn't this completely cute?  It's a toddler sized "Luna Trail Pullover" by Marie Grace Designs done in Llamajamma yarn.  It's just so classic...and...well, I didn't knit it.

Isn't this awesome?!  The "Floribunda Scarf" from GourmetCrochet done in odds and ends.  I didn't do this one either.   (But it looks great on me...so that has to count for something. )

In the time it took a teenage girl to complete both of these projects...a completely complicated cabled sweater and a sculptural crochet scarf...I knit this...

A tank top.  A village idiot simple, stockinette stitch, sleeveless top with garter stitch edging.  (WhiteLies Designs Shapely Tank in Bamboo in case you want to whip one out in a weekend.) 

And a whole month later...a onesie....

For an infant,...a tiny infant. 

I also started this...

And this...

And this...

 And something I can't even find anymore!

Are you crying yet?  My assistant will be handing out tissues.

 But knitting is not a competition, right?  Life is not a competition!  It's all about enjoying yourself and taking time to stop and pick up your dropped stitches, right? Right!?

W-e-l-l,... now it is.  Because I joined the Ravelympics.  And I'm doing, of all things, the Sweater Sprint.  Unfortunately, they didn't have a category for "casting on, knitting two inches and then start a different project marathon".  At this I would excel and beat the pants off all of you (In yo' face, focused person!)  I hope to at least get it included as a spectator event at the next games.  Believe me, it is loads of fun to watch...lots of quick, random motion.

I consider this the Dr. Phil, tough love section of the show.  This is where, if I am lucky, and my parents really love me, I am dragged off to fiber boot camp and get yelled at by a big, sweaty knitter slapping her polyester panted thigh with her Addi's.  Or, where sit down on stage with my husband, take his hand in mine, and  eagerly tell him my Ravelympic goal of knitting a sweater during the 17 days of the Beijing Olympics,... and have him reply..."Why do you do this to yourself?"  (Now that part really happened, minus the stage and 17 million viewers...and the hand holding).

So we close today's program with a quick look at the Ravelympic Sweater, otherwise known as "Hey Teach", done in O~Wool Balance (which is totally awesome stuff)...

Back completed with minimal mistakes and a desperate need of blocking.  Now only 11 days, two fronts, 2 button bands and two sleeves to go!

If only the "Braided Pullover" from Interweave Knits would just shut up and go away...

How I spent my summer vacation...

Hey, guess what, it takes a h*!! of a lot of time to run a yarn shop!  Who 'da thunk?  But I'll tell you what...it is a whole lot of freaking fun!

But just so I don't overdose on wild and crazy fiber frolicking, I have been making sure to carve out some dear family summer fun time.  You remember family summer fun...packing everyone, a lunch and the family dog into the station wagon and heading to the beach.  The water was freezing cold, the sand fleas were outrageous and you were the only geeky child forced to wear a t-shirt at all times to protect you from the sun (your Dad wore socks with his sandals so one could doubt who you were there with).  At the end of the day you collapsed exhausted in the back of the car, sunburned anyways, with sand in your scalp and grating in your underwear.  Ahh, those were the summer days I remember...or it might have been an episode of the Brady Bunch, close enough.

Anyways, now that I have a dear husband and lovely little ones of my own, I have to wonder...did my Mom ever have fun on these trips?

We've been taking a few day trips around Kansas.  We're kind of short on ocean front beaches around here, and the temperature tends to hover around a rather sweltering 100F, so we depend heavily on cheap indoor entertainment....thank you (insert Deity of choice...remember, we're Unitarians) for local historical societies and their museums.  Kansas must have one of the lowest populations per county in the entire continental US.  Yet each one has it's own museum.  And most of them are quite impressive.  Lots of guns, buffalo hides, arrowheads and parlor pianos all displayed for a nominal fee in air conditioned comfort. 

This is the Dickinson County Historical Museum and Museum of Independent Telephony (two for one!).

 Sometimes, if the museum is really, really nifty, they will have a fiber display as well (see, I brought it back to yarn again, I'm so sneaky).

Here I am way impressed, not with the giant loom necessarily...every Kansas museum has a giant loom that some lucky person managed to get out of their living room... but with the antique hand shears (as someone who has sheared three sheep with her sewing scissors, I have great respect for people who went through herds of hundreds) and the poster (which I am so cleverly blocking) that shows wool dyed with different natural dyes and mordants. 

This one even had this sweet little spinning wheel. 

The trail West was apparently littered with spinning wheels that the pioneers decided were just taking up way to much room in the wagon.  Pioneer women would come to their senses, somewhere along the way, that carving out a living in this vast, hot, insect filled ocean of grass, was going to take up most of their gosh durn time.  Spinning and weaving was soon to be thrown over in favor of trying to coax vegetables out of the rock hard ground and shooing rattlesnakes out of the house.  Besides,...there was always Wal-mart.  The classic story of how ancient skills become lost arts.

Anyhoo, this museum also has a very cool, steam driven, old carousel that you can ride.  But yah, didn't take a picture of that...no fiber involved I guess.

We also hit (and I do mean hit...we're sort of like our own family tornado) the Greyhound Racing Hall of Fame.  Yes, the Greyhound Racing Hall of Fame is in Kansas!  Hard to believe, I know.  It really puts us on the map.  Now having grown up near a world famous, extremely fancy, Thoroughbred race track, I have to admit that I find dog racing to be..well...subpar.  But I have an absolutely dog crazy daughter, so we had to take a peek.

It must have been fate, because there...deep in the dramatically lit, maze-like display of the Hall of Fame I found this...

In case you didn't quite catch that...

Miss Whirl (I'm sure the lack of an -ed was simply an oversight)..."...one of the smartest racing Greyhounds of her time."  So maybe dog racing has a bit more class than I previously thought.  Us  Whirl(ed) girls... we gotta stick together!

Oh and by the way.....FALL YARN SCHOOL REGISTRATION IS NOW OPEN!!!!!!!!!!!!

Go here now!

Meanwhile, back at the ranch...

Soooo,  what happens back on the farm when Mom runs off and joins a cult, ...um... I mean, opens a yarn shop?

The sheep sink into a deep depression...

They miss mom leaning over the fence most of the day chanting "We must, we must, we must increase our fleece.."  Hey, it worked in Middle School didn't it?

The garden has gone to heck in a hand basket.   There is a giant sunflower sprouting from the compost pile...

 

The hollyhocks are almost threatening...and I don't think these are herbs...

And the children?  What children...do I have children?

Whew!

Well, I did it!  I opened a yarn shop!  I had a "Grand Opening" and everything! And people came! (Yes, that is me you hear in the background squealing like my mother at a Beatles concert.)

So here is a quick tour.  I have to admit that I stole (um,..I mean borrowed with out asking...) many of these pictures from Nikol because she obviously has a very nice camera, she definitely has a great eye, and she was actually taking pictures opening night instead of wandering around in a semi-lucid, rather easily hysterical state... as others may have been...

As you come in the door...

Ozark Hanspun and plenty of our own...

The "Yarn Bar" where you can sample and swatch before committing to buy (don't worry I've got a fiber one too.  Well, it's more like a bunch of baskets...but same idea)...

Yarn...

 

More yarn...(Peace Fleece!)...

Fiber...

Fiber...

Fiber...(mohair locks!)

And more fiber...(angelina!)

I had absolutely wonderful people come by all weekend!  Thank you all who came my very first, shaky hours (don't worry...it was me who was shaking), 'specially Nikol and Marilyn, who came twice, and those crazy fun KnitTopeka girls. And a super big thank you to Laura, who helped me immensely, held my hand through everything and will be working here on Thursdays. (Sorry this is starting to sound like an Oscar's acceptance speech...cue the music and get the loon off the stage!)  I was also very honored to have homesteading heroine and leading gardening goddess,  A Homesteading Neophyte and her mother (whose blog I could not find a link to, sorry!) drive 2 1/2 hours to visit me!  I had to slap myself to keep from bowing at her feet. 

So here we are on the outside (and in the rain)...

... we are a significantly brighter yellow in the sunlight, trust me...

How to lose weight...

Become a Horse Show Mom and be forced to compete for your nutritional sustenance (if you can call a hamburger such a thing) with an extremely stubborn pony who is apparently happy to throw vegetarianism to the wind when given the opportunity. 

Plus you get to stress away the pounds watching your little baby girl (who I swear was just a toddler two days ago) doing things like this...

Please note the expression of extreme determination on her little face.  It's going to be a long summer...